14 Weeks Pregnant

Originally published January 5, 2019

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I’m now 14 weeks pregnant. Most people know, it’s no longer being kept a secret. I’m past the most likely stage for miscarriage, and into the second trimester. I haven’t seen baby for two weeks, and won’t see him for another six.

I’m having a boy, a son.

At the moment, my belly is starting to pop, but not by much. It’s mostly bloat, and I can suck the top part in but the bottom remains a round blob. I want to go swimming, but I’m self-conscious. I don’t feel fat, in fact I lost four kilograms in the first week of pregnancy. I’m lighter than normal, and probably skinnier than normal, if there wasn’t this expanding uterus pushing everything outwards. Yet I look different, and it’s not in a good way. I’m not showing enough to be obviously pregnant, so I just look sort of fat but in only the front of my tum.

My family has accepted that I’m keeping the baby, and excitement is starting to kick in. But I’m still nervous of all their opinions. I’m still scared of judgement, both from those I know and from strangers. The constant anxiety is always there, the fear that something is wrong with bub, and something has happened that I could never have prevented.

I won’t know until late January, when I go for my scan whilst in Queensland.

In the first trimester, I was falling asleep at my desk. I was spending all my energy and concentration on not throwing up, and keeping what food I could down. I was coming home exhausted and could barely gather the energy to do anything. I had constant pains and aches. I couldn’t go near the kitchen, and had to avoid the room when Luke cooked dinner, as just the smell of the barbeque sauce made me feel sick. I lived off ice cubes when I couldn’t even stomach water.

Now, I realised that though I’m tired, and have needed a nap most days, I feel better. Sure, I’ve almost thrown up taking my meds, but they’re gross enough to make even the strong stomached people want to gag. I haven’t had a full appetite, and have forced myself to have small meals a few times, but I feel a hundred times better than I did.

All that’s bothering me now is the odd headache, blood pressure that has been consistently low the whole pregnancy, and the feeling that my stomach is constantly being stretched and pulled. Which makes sense, since it pretty much is being stretched and pulled. It’s like when you have your period, and it hurts too much to stand up straight, and you walk around hunched over like an idiot. Only I don’t really want to be an idiot, so I slouch when I can and bare the pain when I can’t.

I constantly feel full. Not in my stomach, but around it. Like when you go to Sizzler and eat WAY too much, and your stomach feels so tight and overloaded it’s going to burst. I feel like that a lot, even when my tummy is rumbling for food. I get mild cramping and contraction-like pains occasionally. I also have a UTI that’s been bothering me, so there’s a chance the contractions are Braxton Hicks, caused by my pain-in-the-ass bladder irritating my uterus.

Other than the funky feelings in my tummy (no little kicks yet), I feel pretty good. Lack energy and can’t get up in a rush ever or I feel like I’ll pass out, but I guess the second trimester has begun. I do wish it was the glowing skin and amazing energy some people claim it to be. Actually, forget the skin, just give me the energy. I’ll settle with that.